It is inevitable. When I turn on the news and the pundits are pontificating about the latest celebrity suicide, a light switch flips in my head. I sit up a little straighter and listen a little harder.
And then it happens. Every time. The voice in my head says: “Say something. Say something. Say something.” And then I write my response to the news report in my head.
In my mind, I am the poster child for bipolar disorder and a mental illness expert. Deep down, I know it is a delusion of grandeur or my own inflated sense of self-importance, but in that moment, I believe my take on the latest suicide is crucial information everyone needs to hear.
On most days, I discount that inner voice and say nothing, but today I offer you my less-than-expert opinion on suicide.
Here are five things you should know about suicide:
1. People who die by suicide do not wake up one morning and say, “This would be a great day to die.”
Death by suicide is not a rash decision made while drinking your morning coffee or watching the local news. Those who wrestle with mental illness and suicidal ideation are in the trenches battling for their lives day in and day out.
If a suicide is not in response to a traumatic event, the person has likely been grappling with persistent thoughts of suicide for years.
By the time suicidal ideation becomes suicide completion, the person fighting for their life is weary and feels as if they no longer have any fight left in them. They can’t see beyond the darkness and hopelessness that have invaded their mind.
2. Suicide does not feel like a choice.
We have all heard the familiar tagline: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
You have heard it a million times, right? Perhaps you have said it. I have said it myself.
The statement has value. It is truthful, but to the person wallowing in the mire of unrelenting symptoms, it is overly simplistic.
Imbalanced brain chemistry lies to you, beating you down day after day, month after month, year after year. The lies repeat like a broken record until the mind internalizes them: “You are damaged. You are not worthy. Your spouse and your children would be better off without you. Your friends will leave when they find out how crazy you are. You will never…You will always…”
For many who die by suicide, they do not believe there is a choice. They feel suicide has chosen them and not the other way around.
3. Mental illness and suicide do not discriminate.
When a celebrity dies by suicide, the news media thrusts it center stage. Pundits weigh in on what might have happened. No one saw it coming because celebrities have perfect lives. Right? Wrong!
The only thing that separates a celebrity from the rest of the population is the balance in his or her bank account. A fat wallet does not dissuade mental illness and suicide. Beauty and intelligence are not diversions. A broad social circle is not a deterrent.
Mental illness and suicide do not care if you are a Christian or an atheist or if you put your faith in science. Mental illness and suicidal ideation can affect any person, at any time, and at any place. No one is exempt.
4. Most suicidal people don’t want to be dead. They just can’t figure out how to live through the next step.
A common thread runs through my own battle with suicidal ideation. When I hit a brick wall—big or small—my mind goes straight to, “I wish I were dead.” It is just the way I am wired.
As I flip through the pages of my life, it is clear that death is never my true desire. What I long for is rest, the right decision, or the next step.
I don’t want to die. I just don’t know how to live through the latest setback.
Impaired brain chemistry lies and magnifies every obstacle, making the bigger picture cloudy. It obscures the possibility of another way.
5. A person can get suicidal thoughts out of their head by verbalizing them.
There is no cookie-cutter solution to the suicide epidemic. Mental illness wins sometimes. It is a sad fact of life. But I know something that helps—getting suicidal thoughts out of your head by verbalizing them.
Suicide is not your typical coffee shop banter. It is a conversation stopper. It is polarizing. And who wants to share the dark recesses of their mind? Not me.
Do it anyway. Because the one thing I know for sure is that dark thoughts lose their power when light shines on them.
The Takeaway
If you only learn one thing from today’s post, I hope it is that those who die by suicide don’t fit into a tidy box. There is not one type of person who is more prone to taking their own life. Mental illness is certainly a contributing factor, but under the right circumstances, anyone could die by suicide.
Suicidal thoughts cast a deadly shadow, making a person believe there is nothing outside the darkness. But when you share your dark thoughts, a light shines on that shadow and hope illuminates the dark place until it reveals a door leading to the other side.
Resources
If someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please use the following resources to help them get professional help:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline—Available 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255 or dial 988.
Crisis Text Line—Connect with a crisis counselor by texting “START” to 741-741. Available 24/7. If someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please use the following resources to help them get professional help.
TrevorChat—LGBTQ Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Hotline—Available 24/7 at 1866-488-7346 or text “START” to TrevorText at 678-678.
Veterans Crisis Hotline—Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 to connect with caring, qualified responders with the Department of Veterans Affairs. Many of them are Veterans themselves. You can also send a text to 838255.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides a wealth of information about how to handle a suicidal friend or loved one. Read their blog post that outlines the ways to start a real conversation (#RealConvo) about suicide with someone in crisis. Click here to read that blog post.
Read my blog post that outlines five steps to help someone who is suicidal.
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Phyllis says
ANI,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHAT YOU ARE DOING FOR US IS A WONDERFUL THING. I SAT AND READ THIS AND IT JUST HITS HOME SO MUCH.. I HAVE SENT MY LIFE BATTLING THIS MONSTER AND ITS ONLY BY THE GRACE OF GOD THAT I AM HERE TO EVEN COMMENT ON THIS. I LOVE YOU AND KEEP IT COMING BECAUSE I NEED THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK. I LOVE YOU… PHYL
Andrea says
Thanks, Phyl! I am glad that it resonated with you. You–and all of the people I love who struggle with mental illness–are a big part of why I am here. I love you too.
Mary says
It’s great that you have such a passion to help people in this situation. We need more people to stand up and try to help save lives!
Andrea says
Mary, thank you for your kind words. It is my hope that my blog encourages others to stand up to help save lives too.
Mona says
I remember distinctively when my brother Wayne {27 yrs old} asked me, “What do you think about suicide?” That was thirty-nine years ago, but I was expecting my first child, I was 19 years old. I sat there twirling a string connected to window blinds…I never looked up at him because first of all I thought I was the only person who had these thoughts. So I wasn’t quiet sure about this question. Softly with my head down, I said, “I don’t think anyone has the right to do that.” When I looked up he had left the room. To make a very llooong story short, he committed suicide onJuly 12ish_ that’s when his body was found. And just like that it was never ever talked about. I had to scream and cry in silence for 39 years. It never leaves my mind. About three weeks ago I went for a massage, and while laying on my stomach and my face in a headrest I was listening to the beautiful sounds of a waterfall and birds chirping, and my mind went straight to sadness … I thought about Wayne’s funeral and how we were all sitting together in a limousine. It was so quiet and everything in that day and time was going in slow motion. It was one of the saddest days of my life. Our family was never the same. I entered my first inpatient treatment center the following summer. I was there for 3 months; no one came for family day. They couldn’t handle me or my mental illness. It was just to painful and exhausting for them. This is the first time I share that.
Andrea says
Mona, thank you for sharing this piece of your story with me. I am sorry for the loss of your brother, and I am sorry you have suffered in silence for so many years. Thirty-nine years ago the word suicide was taboo, and while people still don’t talk enough about it, at least it isn’t swept under the rug as much now. Living with mental illness is a difficult journey especially when those closest to you can’t handle it.
Hannah Siller says
This is such an amazing post. That you for writing it up. I really don’t think most people can understand the mind frame of someone who is suicidal unless they have experienced it. I was at that point once when I was about 17. Living in an abusive home it wasn’t about wanting to die like you said. I just really didn’t know how to live the life I was in.
Andrea says
Hannah, I am so glad the post resonated with you. I think it is important that we demystify suicidal ideation because if you’ve never experienced it, it is hard to understand.